Disclaimer: The following article is highly offensive and targets the northern tribes who purposefully oppose the rest of the country on Eid-ul-Fitr every damn year. Read at your own risk.
Pakistan is famous for a lot of things. One of those is the traditional two Eids. Every year at the end of Ramadhan, Muslims all across the world are split up in to two groups. One group is clearly tired of keeping fast for 29 days and can’t stand another one, and the other group is a bit too religious, they tend to go for the little extra reward by keeping 30 fasts. But both the groups can’t get their way, only one group goes home happy in the end.
But not in Pakistan, who are also known for their remarkable tolerance and acceptance for the various schools of thought. The Pakistani scholars show their generosity by keeping both the groups happy. They do it by declaring Eid after 29 days in one half of the country, and the next day, they declare another Eid in the other half. There is a big flaw in this tradition however; the planet Earth only has one moon, you can’t see moon-birth twice in the same month. With my curiosity level mars-high, I set out on a trip to Wazir-e-azam-istan, where they declare Eid after 29 days of fasting.
Arriving in the tribal region, I was welcomed by hungry stares and loaded Kalashinkovs. Thankfully, with my broken Pashto, I was able to convince them that I was a friend (they’re easy to convince when they’re high). I was taken to their leader Sher Khan’s house, a simple mud house full with a strange smell so strong that it made me dizzy, I hardly managed to control myself. After a modest iftaari I explained my quest to Sher Khan. Apparently I had arrived just in time, and Sher Khan was quick in inviting me to the moon-sighting meeting happening the same night.
The meeting was to take place on the peak of a relatively small mountain. On our way up, Sher Khan told me that instead of telescopes, his tribe used a special herb-medicine which made their eye-sight much better. He called it NASWAR, and claimed it to be the most popular medicine in the northern rural areas of the country. We reached the peak just after the sunset. The sky was dark blue and full of tiny stars, I couldn’t spot the crescent with my naked eyes and my futile attempts just made the local folk burst out in laughter. It was then that Sher Khan offered me a little piece of NASWAR. I was scared at first, but realizing that journalism was all about adventures and boasting about those adventures on news channels later, I decided to take a bite. It tasted like pickled sand, and it had the same smell which I observed in Sher Khan’s house. At first, I felt nothing and was beginning to think that it was just a prank when suddenly I stepped in to a whole new world…
The sky went darker and all of a sudden a great number of stars popped up, I could see huge pieces of rock floating ahead of me, far away I saw what looked like a missile launcher with “Hubble” written over it. I could see robots with huge rectangle wings and other decayed gadgets floating near me. I looked to my left and saw a huge red sphere, MARS! I could also see the Curiosity robot crawling around zapping rocks and claiming its undisputed rule on the planet. And then the moment came, I looked to my right and there it was! The moon with a very slight crescent-like glow on it’s left part, it was barely visible, so thin that the width of the glow would probably be in nano-meters.
I wanted to explore the space some more but it suddenly zoomed out, as if I was traveling through a worm-hole in reverse, I was back on the peak of the mountain with a satisfactorily grinning Sher Khan. I felt a grin creeping up my lips too, it was amazing! These tribes had discovered a stupendous herb! Meanwhile, far off in the west, some wannabe scientist was snoring happily on his discovery of what might be the God particle.