Kitchen Break

“Go make me a sandwich”

Disclaimer: This article contains sexism and sarcasm, all the events and characters are fictional. This article shows the dark side of the writer’s imagination, read at your own risk.

Recently, we have witnessed a strange occurrence, especially on the internet, which has been described as a “feminist attack“. Women have started “insulting” men, calling them sexists, idiots, useless etc. I decided to investigate this strange phenomenon. It turns out this is not new at all. It’s called “Kitchen Break“, this rare phenomenon occurs every two generations (150 years) when men willingly allow women to get out of the kitchen to have their brief moment in spot-light. After that, they sign an acknowledgement that they belong in the kitchen and men are their owners, and then return to their respective kitchens.

This phenomenon has no time limits; it just starts after 150 years at different times in different countries. Women show their stupidity, and sometimes take it to extremes and tend to “retaliate“.  In my research, I met Dr. Ap Astrof Prince, expert in the history of “kitchen break“; he told me that it is strange, but normal for women to talk against their owners. He said that a female mind tends to extremism when released in to open air after such a long time, but this is completely harmless and under-control. However, some women cross the line and even attempt to insult the man while looking directly to his face. Dr. Prince said the control on women during the “kitchen break” was perfect and fail-safe; any woman who showed the slightest sign of trouble was charged with “an attempt to disrupt the laws of nature” and cremated. Her ashes were then mixed with cement and applied to the walls of some new kitchen. This method was very effective in showing women their worth and place.

Dr. Prince told me that the origin of this phenomenon still remains unknown, he denied any relation between this phenomenon and the Middle East. “Those are just stereo-types spread by the half-men American imbeciles“, he said, “as far as we have traced, Middle East has never even seen this phenomenon, this just goes to show the remarkable level of obedience in the middle-eastern women”.

I then met up with a journalist to discuss the current “Kitchen Break”. Professor Fan D shocked me with the news that in the last two breaks, things had gone wrong, women had started to fight harder, I almost died when he said that some women even refused to cook, they considered their cremation as an honour. Fan D said that the cremation method had lost its efficiency; he said that many men were now thinking of ending this phenomenon for good. Some men even came up with solutions, the most remarkable of which was the sealed kitchen plan, which is now being reviewed by the United Nature-Defenders (UN). The plan suggested that a kitchen should be built around a woman with no doors or windows, and just a sound-proof slid to deliver the meals.

Conspiracy theorists are at large spreading horror through-out the world. A common conspiracy theory says that the women have succeeded in finding their way to power by seducing half-men using some sort of fake powder, silicon, and a smell spray. They are secretly planning to over-throw man’s rule. It also says that the UN is hiding it’s failures with lies. The Americans are preparing for a battle which, they believe, will decide the future of this planet.

As the chaos grows, men are hoping for the approval of the Sealed Kitchen Plan ASAP, and this rare phenomenon is crawling to its end.

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