The day we made History

Who cares if we lost the world cup? We won everything else.

Before the tour started, people asked me to predict the series result. England had the huge Ashes triumph and the humiliation of india to back them, Pakistan had almost everything to support their cause, after all, they were the most impressive team of 2011. The calm captain, the solid top order, the great spin attack, and promising fast bowlers, our line-up was only second to England’s. For me, both teams were evenly matched, so I told my friends that the series would be un-predictable, but the clash would be one for the history.

And indeed it was, Saeed Ajmal ran through the English batting line-up and our top-order showed their class in the 1^st test, no one expected such a comprehensive 10-wicket victory. Everyone was ecstatic, I wasn’t, because we still had a lot of work to do, the series was still to be claimed and the number one test side wouldn’t have gone down without a fight, as they proved in the second test.

No matter what people say, the 2^nd test was very tough for both sides, both fought hard, Pakistan showed their weakness with the bat and had it not been for Misbah and Asad, we would have registered another classic Pakistani collapse. Then England un-leashed their main weapons, Cook and Trott. For once they played the spinners correctly and pushed us to desperation. With the memories of Trott’s batting against Pakistan and Cook’s purple patch against Australia still fresh, I was worried that their partnership would be deadly. Nothing was going Pakistan’s way before Tea on day 2 and I was afraid the match had been sealed. But then, Pakistan showed us once again that they had improved since the last time we played England, Ajmal’s three wickets put us right back in the game. The next day Stuart Broad frustrated us a bit but I was happy, because I knew that this wasn’t a dead pitch as it looked like when Cook and Trott were batting, and that indeed it would be difficult to bat in the last innings. Pakistan once again failed with the bat, apart from the price less resistance of Asad and Azhar (which has been praised enough not to be mentioned here). Once again Pakistan pulled the match back in to balance at the end of Day 3. And once again England dominated on the beginning of day 4 with some thanks to Adnan Akmal, Junaid Khan and brilliant bowling from Monty Panesar. We ended up with a lead of 144.

Finally I had lost hope in the match, but I kept hoping and praying for victory because I knew it was still possible. But the way England folded was beyond anyone’s imagination. England made the mistake of starting defensively and Pakistan grabbed the chance with both hands and feet, once again they had no clue how to play the spin. But this time their assassin was Abdur Rehman. He was always shadowed by Saeed Ajmal’s even better bowling, but today was his day, today Ajmal was HIS back-up, the way these two built up pressure consistently and kept bowling beautiful deliveries was lovely. All the danger-men, Cook, Trott, Bell, Morgan, Prior and even Broad fell like dominoes pieces. The highlights of the day were the deliveries that got rid of Morgan and Broad. My hopes were restored after Trott was given out lbw, and it was just a matter of minutes after that. James Anderson sent the ball in the air, Umar Gul caught it with safe hands, Misbah jumped in joy and I wanted to fly in the air and scream my team’s name as loud as possible. It was a sight I will ALWAYS remember. “King” Misbah has shut his critics once and for all with his calm and cool tactics.

I also told my friends that from here, Pakistan could only rise to the top, and that is exactly what they have done. This triumph will be remembered along the great victories of 1986 Austral-asia Cup and the 1992 World Cup. Well done Team Misbah!

Pakistan Zindabad!

Maya Khan Probe-Both Sides of the Picture.

The anger was expressed through jokes.

Disclaimer: Those with pervert minds don’t read this. The phrase “do it” refers to “dating and having a relationship” in this article and NOTHING ELSE.
Recently Maya Khan, a morning show host on Samaa TV, has sparked anger and hatred among teenagers by going in to public parks and exposing couples dating. Almost everyone agrees that these were private matters which shouldn’t have been brought on television in front of the whole country. While I agree that invading someone’s privacy is wrong, I also think that dating or lip-locking in a public park isn’t exactly “private“.

First I would like to discuss why Maya Khan’s actions were wrong. The show “Subah Saweray Maya Ke Sath” has a controversial history from fake ‘peers‘ to false claimers of ‘miracles‘. And this latest issue has not helped the popularity of the show. Our media has NEVER helped in solving our social problems, and I think they shouldn’t, their job is to raise the issue and tell the public about it, they shouldn’t try to solve the issues themselves. But sadly they again and again try to do it, not for the love of the country, but for money and popularity. Similar “raids” in shopping centers and public areas have been done before by minor channels, but none of them ever solved the problem. What they do is show your name and face and just humiliate you in front of the whole country. In these cases, two families are humiliated, families which belong to a society which is highly sensitive when it comes to dignity. These issues are also private matters and NO ONE outside the two families should be concerned, especially the media, it is much better to leave the issue for them to solve. This show uses “mending the gap between parents and children” as a pathetic excuse for their actions. Frankly speaking, I don’t see how showing the parents a footage of their son/daughter dating and encouraging them to be strict about it mends the gap. Actually it increases the gap, instead of parents trying to understand the child and talking him/her out of it, they enforce punishments which inevitably lead to hatred. So we conclude on a mutual agreement that what Maya Khan did and what similar shows do DOESN’T HELP, HUMILIATES two families, is considered INVASION of PRIVACY and EXPANDS the GAP between the PARENTS and CHILDREN.

Now I come to the second side of the story. Honestly, I am against dating. Keeping aside the fact that our religion forbids us from such things, it is also immoral and un-acceptable in our society where marriages are arranged by the parents. Also it is my observation that such relationships almost NEVER work, let’s face it, the odds of you marrying your boy/girl-friend from high school, college or university are very, very low. The bottom line is that when you fall in so-called “love” with someone, you fall in love with their looks, not their personality, which ultimately ends up in a great difference of principles and actions, i. e. you fight and break-up. Calling this kind of “love” human nature is non-sense, human nature is only limited to temptations, the rest is your own choice whether you control them or just go for it. “Jawani ke mazay” is also a lame excuse, the more you grow up, the more mature you should be, I’m not saying that you should live a boring and serious life, I’m saying don’t take the “maza” beyond forbidden limits. So even after realizing that dating and having a relationship is forbidden in the religion, socially un-acceptable, highly un-likely to evolve into a happy marriage life, and just plain stupid, if you still go ahead and do it, at least don’t do it in public parks, malls or restaurants in front of the whole society where, even if a TV show doesn’t catch you and humiliate you, someone WILL. Like I said earlier, it’s not a private affair when you do it in public parks and the aforementioned places. And don’t try to attack a person who advises you against it by saying “pehlay apna girehbaan jhanko“, you don’t know the deeds of that person and at least he is doing something good when, clearly, you’re NOT.

So the conclusion of what I’m trying to say is that both parties were wrong in their actions and both need to stop it. And YES, dating and having a relationship IS considered WRONG, at least in this society.

Tendulkar’s demise-A fan’s diary

One landmark cost him everything.

Disclaimer: The events mentioned in this article are ficitonal, read at your own risk.

11 June-2020:

So, today the whole world heard the news that a strange event would occur on 21^st June, all the planets, the moons and the sun would be aligned in a straight line. Among many effects of the alignment, astrologists said it would enhance the powers of batsmen who had been in the game for at least 30 years and had made more than 33, 000 runs. Cricket fans knew which batsman was eligible for this.

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar has had a remarkable form for the last 9 years. He is the most reliable batsman in the indian squad, always stopping collapses, making runs and changing pace when needed. But he hasn’t scored a single century, the 100^th century, since 2011. Whenever he reached the 70s or 80s he magically lost his wicket. When he was asked about the alignment, which happened to be occurring during a test match between india and Pakistan, he said:

“I have achieved a lot playing for india, I have accomplished everything I wanted, the only thing left to achieve is the 100^th century, and if I can’t get that during the alignment, I am afraid I will have to retire.”

18 June-2020:

Sachin’s fans have created hype, even those who had lost hope a long time ago said they will come to watch him bat in Lahore. Rumours were spread that BCCI had signed an agreement with PCB to let Sachin reach the landmark easily. But today, in a joint conference by ICC, PCB and BCCI, these rumours were denied, in a joint statement, it was said that Sachin is a great player, and we will not help him achieve the landmark in an illegal way, he will have to work for it.

21 June-2020:

So, the day had arrived, Gaddafi Stadium was packed, I have never seen such a huge crowd, no one cared about the match, everyone was here for the long-awaited century. India won the toss and chose to bat, their weak openers didn’t stand a chance against Amir and Junaid, india were 5-2 and Tendulkar had arrived at the crease, welcomed by a great roar from the crowd. His batting was un-believable, he was someone else today, I had never seen him bat like that before, the bowlers had tried everything, swing, bounce, seam, spin, but they failed. He played every ball beautifully, his shot-selection was heavenly, it was not batting, it was poetry. All the shots in the history of batting were combined in this one innings, cover drive, cut, upper-cut, straight-drive, reverse sweep, paddle sweep and many more. It looked like nothing could stop him now.

He had reached 99, Junaid Khan had the bowl, he bowled a low full-toss, it was the worst delivery of the day, Tendulkar swung at it, he missed, Junaid hit, he was OUT! The whole crowd was shocked, Tendulkar fell to his knees and after some moments he collapsed, the physio came with some first aid and Tendulkar was carried off the ground. Later that day, the diagnosis report was released which said that Tendulkar had lost his mental balance. The match was postponed to mourn the loss of a legend, even Pakistani fans were sad. I guess it was never meant to be.

Kitchen Break

"Go make me a sandwich"

Disclaimer: This article contains sexism and sarcasm, all the events and characters are fictional. This article shows the dark side of the writer’s imagination, read at your own risk.

Recently, we have witnessed a strange occurrence, especially on the internet, which has been described as a “feminist attack“. Women have started “insulting” men, calling them sexists, idiots, useless etc. I decided to investigate this strange phenomenon. It turns out this is not new at all. It’s called “Kitchen Break“, this rare phenomenon occurs every two generations (150 years) when men willingly allow women to get out of the kitchen to have their brief moment in spot-light. After that, they sign an acknowledgement that they belong in the kitchen and men are their owners, and then return to their respective kitchens.

This phenomenon has no time limits; it just starts after 150 years at different times in different countries. Women show their stupidity, and sometimes take it to extremes and tend to “retaliate“.  In my research, I met Dr. Ap Astrof Prince, expert in the history of “kitchen break“; he told me that it is strange, but normal for women to talk against their owners. He said that a female mind tends to extremism when released in to open air after such a long time, but this is completely harmless and under-control. However, some women cross the line and even attempt to insult the man while looking directly to his face. Dr. Prince said the control on women during the “kitchen break” was perfect and fail-safe; any woman who showed the slightest sign of trouble was charged with “an attempt to disrupt the laws of nature” and cremated. Her ashes were then mixed with cement and applied to the walls of some new kitchen. This method was very effective in showing women their worth and place.

Dr. Prince told me that the origin of this phenomenon still remains unknown, he denied any relation between this phenomenon and the Middle East. “Those are just stereo-types spread by the half-men American imbeciles“, he said, “as far as we have traced, Middle East has never even seen this phenomenon, this just goes to show the remarkable level of obedience in the middle-eastern women”.

I then met up with a journalist to discuss the current “Kitchen Break”. Professor Fan D shocked me with the news that in the last two breaks, things had gone wrong, women had started to fight harder, I almost died when he said that some women even refused to cook, they considered their cremation as an honour. Fan D said that the cremation method had lost its efficiency; he said that many men were now thinking of ending this phenomenon for good. Some men even came up with solutions, the most remarkable of which was the sealed kitchen plan, which is now being reviewed by the United Nature-Defenders (UN). The plan suggested that a kitchen should be built around a woman with no doors or windows, and just a sound-proof slid to deliver the meals.

Conspiracy theorists are at large spreading horror through-out the world. A common conspiracy theory says that the women have succeeded in finding their way to power by seducing half-men using some sort of fake powder, silicon, and a smell spray. They are secretly planning to over-throw man’s rule. It also says that the UN is hiding it’s failures with lies. The Americans are preparing for a battle which, they believe, will decide the future of this planet.

As the chaos grows, men are hoping for the approval of the Sealed Kitchen Plan ASAP, and this rare phenomenon is crawling to its end.

Rowan Atkinson-A True Comedian

A true Comedian.

Comedy, like many other fields, has been spread to a new generation which does not understand it completely. “Hey, did you watch HIMYM? Thats the best comedy I have ever seen .” You make a show with a love story and some friendships and add some funny lines in it, that’s not comedy. You troll your friends, use countless puns and banter, it is hilarious but it is not comedy. I think that comedy is about giving a precious life lesson in a humorous way. To be more specific, real comedy is that which discusses the social issues in a funny way.

I never celebrate birthdays, and I’m not celebrating his birthday. But I thought about writing an article about Rowan Atkinson aka Mr. Beans, because he did so much work to be just known as Mr. Bean. We all grew up watching Mr. Bean, but that is not all Rowan ever did. His first noticeable work, which I have watched, is Rowan Atkinson Live. Short live-stage sketches (a bit like Pakistani stage dramas, minus all the mujras) showing the British culture in an amazingly hilarious way, then there is Blackadder (I never really watched that, but it still counts) and Not The Nine’O Clock News. If you ask me (why would you?) these shows are all much much better than Mr. Bean and we need to recognize a legend for all of his works, specially in times when we see the rise of ridiculous sitcoms (not referring to HIMYM, that was just an example) and so-called comedians who repeat the same gigs again and again and start childish fights over a little criticism (Yes Rauf Lala, I’m talking to you).

His films are also worth mentioning here, apart from Mr. Bean: The Ultimate Disaster Movie and Mr. Bean’s Holiday, my favorite film is Johnny English, which reminds me I have to go and download Johnny English Reborn.

One of my favourite clips from ROWAN ATKINSON LIVE depicting the British School Culture.

Thanks for reading, I’ll appreciate your feedback.

The Urge to Blog

After a long fight between my brain and my heart, the ultimate battle between fear and desire, I have finally decided to step in to the blog world, “A small step for… (whatever that dude said after landing on moon)“. I don’t even know what a blog is, I assume its a place where you can write your mind out and expect people to listen. I’ve been good at writing essays, so I’m hoping this would be a block-buster, a way for me to put my really complex brain in front of the world. Before I begin, I would like to say that I will try to keep my blog as simple as possible, no fancy English words, no heavy philosophy etc.

“Enough about you, lets talk about me“. I’m 18, currently job less, don’t socialize much and have a brain full of topics to write. My life is a dilemma, I’m either busy all day in a job, or destroying the sofa and sitting all day on my laptop (<–laptop ki shodi) when I’m free. I am full of ambitions but lack dedication. I want to achieve everything and don’t want to move an inch. I am fully aware of my “awkat” in this world, which makes me believe I’m arrogant. I am totally calm during big arguments or occasions, yet have the ability to boil over a tiny matter. I have no sense of “jugat baazi” yet sometimes produce the best puns un-intentionally. I am an idiot yet able to make some smart moves sometimes.

Moving on, I like music (and I mean MUSIC), I like photography, I LOVE cricket (today might be the day when Tendulkar gets his 100th 100), I like anime, movies, documentaries, history, reading, skyscrapers, architecture, symmetry, nature, clouds, food and last but not least doodh wali chaye. I hate jahils and jahalat (seriously, these people are on my “people who are alive because its a sin to kill” list), being bossed around, copy cats, show-offs (k3wL pPlz). I have zero or minimum out-doors activity ( I never had many friends, and now almost all of them are in Pakistan), but when I do go out with friends, I walk (I’m talking kilo-meters), play cricket, football, table tennis, billiards, cafe games etc.

Finally I would say why I decided to blog. I have this “fikr” about everything I see around me, social issues, politics, world problems, controversies etc. and I just feel like sharing my thoughts with people, telling them what I think is right or wrong, people say that “I’m forcing my opinion” but I don’t think I am. Maybe I want people to understand me or something, I don’t know, but this feeling is always there. So expect mostly serious stuff from me, but in a funny way.

Thanks for reading, I really really appreciate your feedback